Conversations I Wish People Would Have Had With Me
Johnny and I often survey our lives--processing past choices, thinking about the future...wondering if we are doing this life thing at least decent (parenting, Christianity, honoring parents, work life). We all know there are plenty of "experts" out there that can help guide us along these journeys--but still--who is right? What is best? What is the wisest thing to do? During our conversations there have been some things that we wish we would have known earlier or had sought other opinions about... Here are some of those things for me...
1. Debt....I wish someone had ingrained in me that debt was a last option--you know--when someone was facing life/death or when there were absolutely no other alternatives! If we had handled our finances the first eight years the way we have the last eight years of our marriage....folks, you can rationalize your need for things that you borrow money to get (or put on the credit card) all day long. But the truth is this: debt is bondage--the borrower is slave to the lender. Debt affects your daily decisions--the work you do, how often you have to work, your leisure time/activities, your ability to give...just pay cash upfront. We wish we had learned this much earlier!
2. Church--we wish we had known earlier there were ways to do church that didn't require buildings, pews/chairs that match, constitutions/by-laws, rules for membership...this list could be endless. It was in 2004 that my husband was introduced to the concept in a real way. For those of you who know Johnny, he has always questioned rules and processes. I am pretty sure one of his pastimes include reading job postings for ministry jobs and critically analyzing some of the stuff they say/require. I have to say that is one of the things I respect about him the most--he never feels the pressure to play a part--he is who he is in all situations. I saw that very clearly one day in a room in which he was being interviewed for a position. All of the people in the room had very limited views of what ministry looked like and were fishing for particular answers. He could have chosen to comply and play their game. I am grateful he didn't. I am glad God creates people who function well in those environments, and he creates those who do not! Seriously, the first time Johnny realized that church-planting really existed was in Jan. 2004 @ BMC!
3. Sex--my education came from the playground, babysitter's children, and other random people. At some point during my early teen years my mom did give me a book...I am sure I rolled my eyes or acted awkward, but I couldn't wait to read it. The truth is, the book was pretty late. My education happened at the babysitter's house (in first or second grade). What I observed as a child is that any talk about sex was punished. For example, at the babysitter's house, the mom overheard one of these conversations, she walked into the room,began yelling and slapped the oldest male in the room a few good times in front of us. That was a pretty strong message that I remember today (I never told an adult in my world about this). When it came on TV--I was told to cover my eyes. I am not sure if you were aware or not, mom, but those crocheted afghans that Mother Ballard made--I could see through the holes...sorry. I just never heard anything good being said about it from adults. All I knew was that God created it and don't let the adults hear you talk about it. If they ask you about it, act like you don't know. Again, it is just one of those issues in which I think we need to do a better job with--and at an earlier age. Have you cut on the tv lately? It all has strong sexual connotations these days! Talk about it people--not just once--but a lot. Momas and daddies--they need to hear from both of you!!
Just a disclaimer--I had great parents who loved me dearly. The above thoughts are not a reflection of the quality of parents they were. They are just personal reflections as an adult. I have not been damaged or messed up in any way. I think I turned out ok.
Live a Meaningful Life!
1. Debt....I wish someone had ingrained in me that debt was a last option--you know--when someone was facing life/death or when there were absolutely no other alternatives! If we had handled our finances the first eight years the way we have the last eight years of our marriage....folks, you can rationalize your need for things that you borrow money to get (or put on the credit card) all day long. But the truth is this: debt is bondage--the borrower is slave to the lender. Debt affects your daily decisions--the work you do, how often you have to work, your leisure time/activities, your ability to give...just pay cash upfront. We wish we had learned this much earlier!
2. Church--we wish we had known earlier there were ways to do church that didn't require buildings, pews/chairs that match, constitutions/by-laws, rules for membership...this list could be endless. It was in 2004 that my husband was introduced to the concept in a real way. For those of you who know Johnny, he has always questioned rules and processes. I am pretty sure one of his pastimes include reading job postings for ministry jobs and critically analyzing some of the stuff they say/require. I have to say that is one of the things I respect about him the most--he never feels the pressure to play a part--he is who he is in all situations. I saw that very clearly one day in a room in which he was being interviewed for a position. All of the people in the room had very limited views of what ministry looked like and were fishing for particular answers. He could have chosen to comply and play their game. I am grateful he didn't. I am glad God creates people who function well in those environments, and he creates those who do not! Seriously, the first time Johnny realized that church-planting really existed was in Jan. 2004 @ BMC!
3. Sex--my education came from the playground, babysitter's children, and other random people. At some point during my early teen years my mom did give me a book...I am sure I rolled my eyes or acted awkward, but I couldn't wait to read it. The truth is, the book was pretty late. My education happened at the babysitter's house (in first or second grade). What I observed as a child is that any talk about sex was punished. For example, at the babysitter's house, the mom overheard one of these conversations, she walked into the room,began yelling and slapped the oldest male in the room a few good times in front of us. That was a pretty strong message that I remember today (I never told an adult in my world about this). When it came on TV--I was told to cover my eyes. I am not sure if you were aware or not, mom, but those crocheted afghans that Mother Ballard made--I could see through the holes...sorry. I just never heard anything good being said about it from adults. All I knew was that God created it and don't let the adults hear you talk about it. If they ask you about it, act like you don't know. Again, it is just one of those issues in which I think we need to do a better job with--and at an earlier age. Have you cut on the tv lately? It all has strong sexual connotations these days! Talk about it people--not just once--but a lot. Momas and daddies--they need to hear from both of you!!
Just a disclaimer--I had great parents who loved me dearly. The above thoughts are not a reflection of the quality of parents they were. They are just personal reflections as an adult. I have not been damaged or messed up in any way. I think I turned out ok.
Live a Meaningful Life!
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