The Worst in Me
I realized several months ago that something I chose to do really exposed the worst in me. In hindsight, I am so thankful to have had this depravity exposed in my life. Looking at it in the mirror has allowed me to grow deeper in my faith and to love more purely.
It all started with a comment. "I could never homeschool my kids. I do not have the patience." When a mom finds out we homeschool, this is the most common comment I hear. During the past four years, I have heard it countless times from a variety of people. It wasn't until a few months ago it really resonated with me. Yes, it is true. It takes a tremendous amount of patience...and kindness, selflessness, self-discipline, work...I could go on with the list.
What I realized this particular day when I heard the "I don't have the patience" comment was that I did not either. In addition to not having the patience, I was lacking in the kindness, selflessness, and gentleness categories (along with many others) as well.
Oftentimes in our lives we gravitate to circumstances in which we are comfortable. When we are in situations that make us uncomfortable, angry, inpatient, etc. for the most part, we can escape. Usually we chalk that up to a learning experience and seek to avoid that circumstance, person, or place in the future. By choosing to do this so frequently in my life, it robbed me from being able to develop those attributes more fully. If you would have asked me, I would have rated myself pretty well. At home, teaching my children, I can not escape. If I go to another room, they can follow me. If I just choose to forget it and walk away-well, they may never learn how read proficiently or calculate problems. And who is there to blame?
You see, the things I became face to face with are actually characteristics that I have to be dependent on the Holy Spirit to create in my life. Seeing my depravity in the mirror helps me approach Christ and others with a more humble, gentle and loving attitude. When I see the "mess" in my own life it reminds me that I am in great need of grace and mercy. You know, those two things that I should be showing to those around me?
Now listen, I am not trying to say that if you will just quit work and homeschool your kids, you will become a saint. As a matter of fact, I have became more aware of the opposite. I have seen just how broken and in need of help I am. What I am trying to propose is this: could it be that sometimes the things that make us uncomfortable or highlight the "junk" in our lives are the very things we need to embrace? Because in the end, it helps refine our character? When we realize we don't meet the mark, it gets harder to point the finger at others when they don't. I am pretty sure that was the message that Jesus was trying to get across to the Pharisees so many times. "Look in the mirror!"
We can all play a part, clean up the outside, and make an appearance. But in the end, our relationship with Christ and how well we loved others is really where our investment should be. So, in the meantime, I hope I continue to learn to love more fully. It is my prayer that love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control will be the attributes that radiate from my life. And, each time I stare in the mirror and see anger, impatience, depression, rudeness, harshness, and a lack of discipline I can be reminded that I am in great need. People, I am so thankful for Christ...because without Him, well--I would be nothing but a depraved soul!
Live a Meaningful Life!
I am so thankful for the gift God has entrusted Johnny and I with in raising these two boys. Even though we often fail, I am glad He doesn't give up on us! I pray that they grow up to love God with all of their hearts! I am sure they will have plenty of practice with forgiveness because there isn't too long of a span that goes by that I don't have to ask for it!
It all started with a comment. "I could never homeschool my kids. I do not have the patience." When a mom finds out we homeschool, this is the most common comment I hear. During the past four years, I have heard it countless times from a variety of people. It wasn't until a few months ago it really resonated with me. Yes, it is true. It takes a tremendous amount of patience...and kindness, selflessness, self-discipline, work...I could go on with the list.
What I realized this particular day when I heard the "I don't have the patience" comment was that I did not either. In addition to not having the patience, I was lacking in the kindness, selflessness, and gentleness categories (along with many others) as well.
Oftentimes in our lives we gravitate to circumstances in which we are comfortable. When we are in situations that make us uncomfortable, angry, inpatient, etc. for the most part, we can escape. Usually we chalk that up to a learning experience and seek to avoid that circumstance, person, or place in the future. By choosing to do this so frequently in my life, it robbed me from being able to develop those attributes more fully. If you would have asked me, I would have rated myself pretty well. At home, teaching my children, I can not escape. If I go to another room, they can follow me. If I just choose to forget it and walk away-well, they may never learn how read proficiently or calculate problems. And who is there to blame?
You see, the things I became face to face with are actually characteristics that I have to be dependent on the Holy Spirit to create in my life. Seeing my depravity in the mirror helps me approach Christ and others with a more humble, gentle and loving attitude. When I see the "mess" in my own life it reminds me that I am in great need of grace and mercy. You know, those two things that I should be showing to those around me?
Now listen, I am not trying to say that if you will just quit work and homeschool your kids, you will become a saint. As a matter of fact, I have became more aware of the opposite. I have seen just how broken and in need of help I am. What I am trying to propose is this: could it be that sometimes the things that make us uncomfortable or highlight the "junk" in our lives are the very things we need to embrace? Because in the end, it helps refine our character? When we realize we don't meet the mark, it gets harder to point the finger at others when they don't. I am pretty sure that was the message that Jesus was trying to get across to the Pharisees so many times. "Look in the mirror!"
We can all play a part, clean up the outside, and make an appearance. But in the end, our relationship with Christ and how well we loved others is really where our investment should be. So, in the meantime, I hope I continue to learn to love more fully. It is my prayer that love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control will be the attributes that radiate from my life. And, each time I stare in the mirror and see anger, impatience, depression, rudeness, harshness, and a lack of discipline I can be reminded that I am in great need. People, I am so thankful for Christ...because without Him, well--I would be nothing but a depraved soul!
Live a Meaningful Life!
I am so thankful for the gift God has entrusted Johnny and I with in raising these two boys. Even though we often fail, I am glad He doesn't give up on us! I pray that they grow up to love God with all of their hearts! I am sure they will have plenty of practice with forgiveness because there isn't too long of a span that goes by that I don't have to ask for it!
Comments
Post a Comment