A Few Thoughts About Marriage

This past Wednesday, Johnny and I celebrated 20 years of marriage. It has been the best 20 years of my life. Despite what our shared Facebook status suggests, neither of us has had an affair. For those of you who don't know, there is a meme that suggests if you have a joint Facebook account it is due to one person having an affair. The truth is, we have a shared Facebook account because several years ago we flew to Northern California to look at an area we were going to serve through a placement with the North American Mission Board. We both come from split families and creating a FB account was the easiest, quickest way for them all to see pictures and share our experience. We created the account in an airport while we waited on a flight. Despite the reasoning or circumstance behind our account, it turns out to be a pretty wise idea. Check out this quote: "A third of all divorce filings in 2011 contained the word "Facebook," according to Divorce Online. And more than 80 percent of U.S. divorce attorneys say social networking in divorce proceedings is on the rise, according to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers."

Every year when our anniversary date gets near I always ponder what it is that actually helps create a good marriage. Here are a few of my thoughts:

1. This is the main ingredient. You see, Johnny makes it easy for me to love him because he loves me so well. He really adheres to Ephesians 5:25, loving me with such an authentic, real love-just as Christ loves the church. Because of this, it makes it easy for me to follow his lead as suggested in Ephesians 5:22. And despite popular belief this does not mean that he is on some power trip, and I don't have a voice. I will tell you hands down, I trust his judgment and want to follow his lead! Again, I believe this is the main ingredient!

2. You are willing to sacrifice what you want for the good of the other person. Easter weekend we were able to go on a trip. You all know that eating out is not something we get excited about. However, when we do travel, we usually make a few things that are treats. This particular trip, we made some pimento cheese to have as a snack. I opened the fridge one day to get some to smear on some crackers and I find this:

It was enough for one cracker. Why, you ask? Because he loves me. I guarantee you, he wanted that last bite. But, he saved it for me. I would have done the same...except now that I think about it, I would have left a little more! :) Seriously, the pimento cheese is a minor deal but illustrates the principle. Being in a relationship that is healthy requires you to deny yourself at times for the benefit of the other person.

3. Have no expectations regarding roles. Who cooks, who cleans, who works, who tends to the kids, who washes/folds clothes... WE BOTH DO! If you walk by it, and it needs to be done...DO IT! It is not that difficult. I have heard women say things like, "I can't go because my husband will get mad if I leave the kids with him." WHAT??? Working together and not having all these expectations keeps life simple. However, it does not give either a pass to be consistently lazy, waiting around for the other to get things done.

4. Communication!!! If you take out work, gossip, and other people's lives-how much will you have left to talk about? What about your dreams, passions, struggles, goals, thoughts, feelings, God... There is so much more to life than the little irritations and frustrations that come your way. Knowing how to effectively communicate instead of blaming, criticizing, and trying to "prove" your point is critical in a marriage.

5. Manage your finances. From what I understand money is a big deal in marriages and can cause lots of grief. Live within your means. If you do not have it, do not pretend you do. Prepare for future problems (new tires, appliance replacement, etc.). The only way we have found to get money--WORK FOR IT! Have a plan for the money you earn-otherwise, it will disappear!

There you have it, a few thoughts about marriage. Have I ever told you that I love my husband?

Live a Meaningful Life!