Thwarted Plans & Poison Thoughts

One of my personality deficits that I was keenly aware of when I worked full time was my preference of staying on schedule. Yes, I liked to do things on time-preferably ahead of time. I liked to stick to a plan. Outlook was my friend. I was greeted every morning with a boxed look at my day. Guess what happened when those plans got messed up? Yep, I got irritable and the rest of my day just didn't feel right because I was trying to catch up or had to postpone things to another day. Over the course of the past 5 years I am much improved in that arena. I am much more chilled and detailed plans-I have found that most of the time, it is just best not to have any!

If you read this often you know we just returned about a week ago from a trip. What I didn't realize is the amount of plans I had conjured up in my brain on the way home. What is really odd about it is that I never actually put the things on a checklist or in a nice excel chart...but anyway, I had a lot to do packed into a week. Here are the things I remember: order the last things I wanted for John Gannon's school this year, buy Jack's school supplies, pick up a few more pair of shorts/shirts for Jackson, get both boys haircuts, prepare for a homeschool event at our house on Friday, start school with John on Wednesday, field trip on Thursday to the Cotton Museum in Memphis, homeschool event at our house on Friday.

On Tuesday, I was ready to prepare for the obstacle course, slimy, color-fun day party we were hosting at our house. I was up early, washed a couple loads of clothes and then it happened as I was putting towels away. I tried to stand but instead of an erect position, I looked like a 90 degree angle and could only let out these bellowing sounds. I won't continue the story--but I did something terrible to my back. Everything became painful-sitting, walking, moving...I postponed our event on Friday and by Wednesday a friend had kindly offered for us to hitch a ride to the field trip on Thursday. Well-wouldn't you know...John Gannon greeted us in the kitchen about 6 that morning saying he didn't feel so good. I suppose he didn't-almost 101 degree fever, then vomiting, and  EXCESSIVE diarrhea. After a trip to the dr on Friday for JG-we are patiently awaiting to see if the diarrhea starts decreasing in frequency. If it hasn't started decreasing by mid-day today he has got to have further testing. Physically-all other symptoms are gone. As for my back-I am still not 100% but moving around isn't quite as painful as it has been. I am pretty sure I look normal to the outside eye now.

By midday on Thursday, I keenly remember when the poison began to swirl in my brain. "Look how this school year has started. You aren't going to be able to start school with John like you thought. You are now behind..." When I realized what I was doing, it was almost comical. I mean, really...who cares? What does all of that matter?  I am always amazed at how powerful our thoughts are. This is usually where our problems actually begin. We start allowing all this poison to stir around and sit in our thought life.  It sounds different for each person I am sure but for me, here is how some of the poison starts: "I bet the reason he/she did that was to....See, the only person who has called your phone the past 2 days has been your dad, you don't really have friends..." The list goes on. And the result? Well, my thoughts lead me to start feeling different. For example, when I start having these thoughts about let's say my friends, after a while I start feeling distant and disconnected to them. Then my behavior kicks in. I might not have much to say or because of the awkwardness inside I might start avoiding. It's a cycle-a vicious cycle--that leads to nothing productive. 

Have you found yourself in a vicious cycle? Start reviewing your thought life-it is a good place to start. Start transforming your thoughts. Capture the poison, get it out. But more importantly replace it. Replace the poison with some good stuff. Philippians 4:8 is a great place to start: "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything is worthy of praise, dwell on these things." Filling my brain with honorable and pure thoughts produces better feelings which in turn produces better behavior. So, as for plans-who cares? I am currently sharing a chair with Jackson. He just stopped to watch a program because he heard the world "Colorado." Cheers to basis of knowledge-proof that sometimes having no plans and just going wherever you end up on the road at the time is the best plan of all. As for all the other stuff, it will get done. In the meantime, I will just choose to focus on what really matters. Live a Meaningful Life!