My Thoughts in the Here and Now
I am sitting in a cushioned chair while a nice cool breeze is gently moving a few strands of my hair in front of my face. I toss my head to move them back where they belong, and I see the evidence of a nine year old boy's energy. The red chair is rocking rhythmically. From the back, the only evidence of a human is a small piece of elbow peeping from the side. Immediately, I am flooded with feelings. For a moment-a feeling of inadequacy. I mean-how in the the world is it that I am a mom--of 2 boys? How in the world can I expose and instill all that is necessary in what seems like just a few short years? "Are my expectations too high, and I too demanding, am I too lenient, am I congruent with my words and actions..."
My thought process immediately stops as the chair whirls around and the boys jumps up, roller blades in circles in the floor in front of my feet as he stiffly throws out dance moves to the rhythm of Ice, Ice Baby. How can I resist the smile that overtakes my face? He comes to a stop a few inches from my toes and is now asking me back to back questions about penguins and the Arctic (he just finished watching the ending of Mr. Penguin Poppers from which Ice, Ice Baby is still blaring). I can't answer-I am just cherishing the moment. "Are you going to say anything?" he asks? And like that, he rolls away-on to more activity. His wheels take him from the living room the kitchen and around and back again.
Over the course of this year, I have really began to worry about John Gannon's persistence and perseverance. I know--he is 9. But habits form and well--they get really hard to break. I have tried several interventions and then decided to just give it all to him.
So, the first step-I kicked him out of school. That's right-school is no longer an option around here (public, private, or home). Instead, he was formally invited to begin Warrior Training. It began with lessons on traits of warriors, great thinkers, and leaders. We focused on certain character traits and behaviors that research suggests helped them succeed. Instead of having daily tasks in school, the Warrior in Training is presented with 37 weekly missions he must complete. He can do it on his on time table. If he does extra-it is banked to use toward the completion of the next week. That is why today, I have time to sit down and spend a few moments in the here-and-now. Thinking about and keenly focusing on the activities around me. Because he finished early, he gets to do whatever he wants today- he persevered and showed discipline the prior days. Last week, he was done in 2 1/2 days. I am mad that I was forcing him to operate under the "school" mentality. How in the world did I get there? It was definitely not my intention. Those 37 missions are the exact same tasks he had in "school." The only difference-I am allowing him to be in control of how/when, etc. and I we call it a different name. So maybe, instead of him lacking discipline and perseverance...maybe the problem was within me. Unknowingly, I have been trying to assert and control what "school" looked like so that I could feel better about our accomplishments at the end of the day.
I am always intrigued with human behavior. I guess that is why I chose to study it for so long. We have this incredibly horrible habit of viewing things from our lens of the world. We seek to interpret and understand others' behavior but we never look inwardly at our own. I can not tell you how many times this theme has been evident to me over the past month.
I am repeatedly saying in class to counselors in training--you have got to constantly look inward and self-reflect about your motives, needs, and behaviors. By doing this you can at least be aware of how they come out when relating to other people. Behavior training/modification/manipulation is a science that is very easy, challenging, and fun for me. You just gather certain data, intervene, measure the result, and continue the process...However, this looking inward at myself isn't quite so easy.
My first tendency even though I am fully aware of my vices and interaction patterns with others is to point fingers. So where am I going with all this? Let me just make a non-prioritized list of my thoughts right now.
Live a Meaningful Life!!
My thought process immediately stops as the chair whirls around and the boys jumps up, roller blades in circles in the floor in front of my feet as he stiffly throws out dance moves to the rhythm of Ice, Ice Baby. How can I resist the smile that overtakes my face? He comes to a stop a few inches from my toes and is now asking me back to back questions about penguins and the Arctic (he just finished watching the ending of Mr. Penguin Poppers from which Ice, Ice Baby is still blaring). I can't answer-I am just cherishing the moment. "Are you going to say anything?" he asks? And like that, he rolls away-on to more activity. His wheels take him from the living room the kitchen and around and back again.
Over the course of this year, I have really began to worry about John Gannon's persistence and perseverance. I know--he is 9. But habits form and well--they get really hard to break. I have tried several interventions and then decided to just give it all to him.
So, the first step-I kicked him out of school. That's right-school is no longer an option around here (public, private, or home). Instead, he was formally invited to begin Warrior Training. It began with lessons on traits of warriors, great thinkers, and leaders. We focused on certain character traits and behaviors that research suggests helped them succeed. Instead of having daily tasks in school, the Warrior in Training is presented with 37 weekly missions he must complete. He can do it on his on time table. If he does extra-it is banked to use toward the completion of the next week. That is why today, I have time to sit down and spend a few moments in the here-and-now. Thinking about and keenly focusing on the activities around me. Because he finished early, he gets to do whatever he wants today- he persevered and showed discipline the prior days. Last week, he was done in 2 1/2 days. I am mad that I was forcing him to operate under the "school" mentality. How in the world did I get there? It was definitely not my intention. Those 37 missions are the exact same tasks he had in "school." The only difference-I am allowing him to be in control of how/when, etc. and I we call it a different name. So maybe, instead of him lacking discipline and perseverance...maybe the problem was within me. Unknowingly, I have been trying to assert and control what "school" looked like so that I could feel better about our accomplishments at the end of the day.
I am always intrigued with human behavior. I guess that is why I chose to study it for so long. We have this incredibly horrible habit of viewing things from our lens of the world. We seek to interpret and understand others' behavior but we never look inwardly at our own. I can not tell you how many times this theme has been evident to me over the past month.
I am repeatedly saying in class to counselors in training--you have got to constantly look inward and self-reflect about your motives, needs, and behaviors. By doing this you can at least be aware of how they come out when relating to other people. Behavior training/modification/manipulation is a science that is very easy, challenging, and fun for me. You just gather certain data, intervene, measure the result, and continue the process...However, this looking inward at myself isn't quite so easy.
My first tendency even though I am fully aware of my vices and interaction patterns with others is to point fingers. So where am I going with all this? Let me just make a non-prioritized list of my thoughts right now.
- It is good to take time and really focus keenly on everything happening around you. Even when it is appears to just be a routine day. It helps me have a more grateful heart and realize just how much I have to be thankful for.
- Instead of pointing fingers and being so keen on others' behavior or lack thereof, how about we at least consider deeply our own? Why do we look at the speck of sawdust in our brothers eye and ignore the plank in our own? (a modified Matthew 7:3) While saying this, I am not saying that I shouldn't care enough about another person to to talk with them about things within their life. Proverbs 27:17 says "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." I am thankful for those in my life who have pointed out things that need to be considered or changed. It hasn't always initially "felt" good when hearing it, but sometimes the growth process is painful.
- We humans get in cycles of behavior. It is hard to see our own cycle. Ask some people around you that care about you what they see in your life that might be predictable behavioral patterns. Consider their feedback and reflect to see if you might need to engage in some new behaviors. Avoid the initial reaction to try to "defend" why you do those things. A pattern by definition means that it has repeated itself more than once...Sometimes, this stuff isn't nice music to our ears either. We will want to blame them and say things like, "They just don't understand why I..."
- All these feelings/thoughts of inadequacy that roll around in my brain on occasion, they are ridiculous. I am reminded of a meeting I sat in on at a school I was working at several years ago. I saw a very poverty stricken mom show up with no education to flash around, no communication skills to help fill the gap, and tattered clothing loosely hanging on her. But she made an impression on me--one that I haven't forgotten. She loved her son. She didn't have the answers to his academic struggles but she loved him immensely. She never even said this to me-it was just so evident. I had to fight the tears during my time with her because it was such a raw, real, unedited love and concern. Her son was going to be ok...He was loved with an immense love. Who knows his lot--will it be overcoming the odds and accomplishing something great in the eyes of mankind? Or will it be living in poverty and just loving those around him the best he can? Oh, what a reminder to me--regardless of what I achieve, possess, think or feel-if I am without love, I am the equivalent an irritating sound.
1 Corinthians 13:1-12 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge,and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Live a Meaningful Life!!
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